April Fool's! (Or, What Makes Me Look Like a Fool)

Happy April Fool's Day!

While I really do adore makeup/beauty products, some things should probably be on a "forever don't" list for me. I can't seem to get the hang of these items, no matter how much I vary brands or my application technique.

1. Bronzer. Yes, I know that it warms up the skin, which theoretically should work well on yellow-olive me. No matter how many times I try, however, I absolutely can't make it work on it's own-- the best I can do is add it under a bright blush to create something more natural looking. (Which, in my opinion, defeats the purpose of bronzer in the first place) If someone could explain to me why this is, I'd appreciate knowing: I've sampled everything from Smashbox to Bobbi Brown to MAC, and everything seems to scream "dirty face" when I wear it.

2. Bright Eye Shadow. Unfortunate, as I think Urban Decay is one of the most interesting brands to peruse. There's an Absinthe shadow in the box that came out during the holidays that is probably the single most unique shadow shade I've ever seen. I've got good brushes and pretty good blending technique, I think, but between my forty year old eyes and my glasses, bright eye shadow just screams "Mimi" from The Drew Carey Show to me.

3. Floral Perfumes. Again, unfortunate, as I love to sample scents. Most floral perfumes vanish on me-- I need kind of "angry" scents for them to have any real staying power (or "sillage" to use the fancy term). I'd love to find a lightweight, daytime floral that works with my skin chemistry.

4. Red Lipstick. Age related? Maybe, but I shun lip pencils (perenially dry lips) and a lot of great MAC colors (Russian Red) are simply too drying for me. Fortunately, I can wear a stain-- Chanel's Rouge Allures are a good compromise for me here.

5. Nail Polish. This one's habit/job related-- I need to keep really short nails and I often use small hand tools at my job-- which leads to chipped polish. I actually own only one bottle of polish, an OPI clear that I use for special occasions and in the summer when I wear sandals regularly. I had a manicure once as a gift and I actually didn't enjoy it (no idea why), so I guess that's okay in the end.

What's on your don't list?